In my transition from geeky software engineer to intellectual property attorney who writes creatively, takes French classes and acting classes, and has started playing guitar again, one thing I've been fascinated by has been what I see as a shift from a mildly autistic and myopic personality to one that is more emotionally sensitive and well-rounded. I have always been a sensitive person on the inside but never let it show. Feeling trapped by my persona was always frustrating for me. But the important thing is that last week I encountered an illuminating revelation that helps me put this transformation into a framework. I retook the Myers-Briggs personality test and discovered that, in the past ten years, since I last took the evaluation, I have gone from an INTJ to an INFP. This is huge.
Some think that your Myers-Briggs designation is like a fingerprint; it doesn't change over the course of your life. I'm not sure about this; I strongly believe that one can develop one's personality, that one can, to paraphrase a Talking Heads song, cause one's personality to approach those of one's ideals. But those who believe this fingerprint theory explain changes in the test outcome as the revelation of one's true personality type, a sort of unearthing of one's true nature through personal growth work, challenging experiences, and maturation. In other words, the old type may have been developed as a coping mechanism in childhood, or as a misguided attempt to mimic a childhood role model. So, for example, my early emphasis on the Thinking and Judging traits were a direct result of what was a fairly chaotic and arduous childhood. I escaped into my head and fenced off my heart to cope.
But now, as my emotional intelligence, so to speak, and my creativity have grown, my ability to do math and my interest in science has waned. This has led me to a theory about the correlation between one's aptitude for right brain thinking (math, science, etc.) and one's personality, one's outlook. Would we have as many scientists and mathematicians if there were less dysfunctional families and strained parent-children relationships? Perhaps, although I know plenty of engineers who had idyllic childhoods. And, anyway, that is a question for another post, if not an entire PhD thesis in psychology.
In reading the classic description of an INTJ, I kept thinking to myself, "This sounds exactly like the person I don't want to be. These are precisely the things I've been working so hard to change over the past seven or eight years, since law school forced me to face my demons head-on." I'm not generally a rigid perfectionist, focused single-mindedly on the most logical and rationally perfect solution to problems. I do not value efficiency and reason over all else, nor am I especially competitive. I would never berate a colleague in the middle of a 3am conference call. Rather, I'm more interested in people's stories, in the natural beauty of the world, in the rapture of an improvised piano jazz tune or the visceral emotion of a heart-wrenching stage play. I am a good listener and can empathize with the concerns and problems of others. I value a supportive and friendly environment where I work with people I trust and respect.
Of course, there are still elements of the INTJ type in me. As my friends can attest, I often have little patience for or understanding of certain social lubricants like small talk and I do expect people's behavior to "make sense" sometimes. I still enjoy the intellectual stimulation of a challenging problem or making a complex system more accessible. And I am fiercely independent. Obviously, the types cast penumbras in which one can be a mixture of different types. Although INFP resonates most loudly for me, there are echoes of other types within me.
What does all this mean for a practicing lawyer? As Michael F. Melcher points out in The Creative Lawyer, it can present unique challenges. Although the Judging/Perceiving split amongst lawyers reflects that of the general population, 81% of male lawyers and 66% of female lawyers are Thinking rather than Feeling. INFPs have a place in the law but need to be aware of the overwhelming presence of detached, logical, competitive types. In fact, INFPs have special skills when it comes to working as a lawyer. Being comfortable with spontaneity and uncertainty are crucial traits for a lawyer. And having the ability to focus deeply can be of great benefit. There is a place for the INFP personality in the law. I am in the process of finding it.
I'll have more to say in a later post about what it's like as an INFP. For now, it's enough to know that I'm a round peg so I can stop trying to fit into a square hole. And I don't really think that INTJs are cold, calculating jerks; they just act that way sometimes. As a former INTJ myself, I can empathize with that.
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